Why do we so often respond to someone doing something for us by telling them that they shouldn’t have bothered or that it wasn’t necessary?
My grandmother Sarita, one of the wisest people I have ever known, would get upset if you gave one of these polite responses when she did something for you or gave you something. She would tell you to simply thank her or tell her that you appreciate it.
I know many people who refuse support and say that they can manage on their own or that they do not need help or that they will figure it out by themselves.
Why do we feel the need to decline offers of support?
I believe that we need to shift our perspective.
A. The belief that we need to stay humble and not complain.
B. The belief that accepting help means that we are not strong, independent or in control.
A new perspective is possible:
1. When we do not accept what we are being offered, we do not allow others the satisfaction of helping and the feeling of being appreciated. More importantly, we push away the person who is trying to be close to us and they might decide not to offer again.
2. We can accept help AND be strong, independent and capable. One does not negate the other!
- When someone asks if you need something, say yes.
- If someone asks how you are, tell them the truth.
- When someone offers you something, say thank you. Tell them that you appreciate it.
- If you are feeling stuck, lonely or afraid, ask for help from those close to you or from professionals that can support you.
Remember that if someone offers support and you accept it, you then connect and share. You become closer. You feel cared for and the other person feels appreciated and useful. Both of you are capable and strong.
Life is not about doing it alone. It is about creating real connections and knowing that sometimes we are the givers and helpers and sometimes we need to receive support.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you to those who will reply to it and let me know how this post made them feel. I appreciate it.
With gratitude,
Claudia
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