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Every month on this blog, I share my professional views and ongoing learning about life, change and relationships.
These posts are my personal reflections that offer tips and guidance for people looking to live their best lives possible.
What’s Your Word?
What if ONE WORD could help us make everyday choices more easily? Even though the choices we make each day are so varied and under many different circumstances, I believe it’s possible to have one word or phrase to guide us. Allow me to explain. To make good choices, we need to first trust our instincts and understand ourselves. We need a true sense of our values and be clear about what we want...
Make Small Changes. Make a BIG Difference.
The change from fall to winter is often wet, grey, and miserable, especially in my home city of Toronto! It's cold and the days are short. To compound this, it's flu season and we have last year's corona virus as a warning of what to watch for. Last year, the flu virus caught up with me. I thought that because of my cancer journey I would never take my health for granted. But, I got caught up in...
VALUES EXERCISE
Thank you! You can download your copy of my Values Exercise Worksheet here. Did you learn something new about yourself? Let’s chat about your results from this exercise and figure out how it can help you make decisions that align with your values.
Feeling Seen and Acknowledged is a Universal Need
The Importance of Feeling Seen and Acknowledged My grandmother “Tita Sarita'' as we called her was an amazing woman. She made everyone feel that they were unique and special. I really thought I was her favourite, until one day after she died when I was having lunch with a large group of my cousins and we realized that we all felt that we were her favourite. How amazing that she could make each...
When Perfection is the Enemy
Sometimes, perfection is the enemy. We hear a lot about “giving it our best” and “nothing less than 100 percent” in order to be successful in life. But are there times when achieving 80 percent might be good enough? Of course, there are certain tasks where only 100 percent is acceptable. We would expect nothing else from a pilot or surgeon, for example. But for most of us, perfection is not...
The Power of No
"No" is a powerful word. And not always a negative one. In fact, “no” can be quite positive. Saying “no” can liberate and empower us. It can help us move forward. It can strengthen our relationships, clarify our communications, and give us the space we need in our lives to say “yes” to what we truly want. Lately, I’ve felt frustrated when people around me didn’t say “no” when they clearly...
The Wisdom of Silence
As human beings we need to feel connected to others. We are social animals and need positive interactions to keep feeling fulfilled and happy. These connections don’t always come easily. We need healthy channels of communication in order to achieve connections with others. Yet, interpersonal communication is challenging. It involves people with different perspectives and personalities — not to...
Reclaim Control in Uncertain Times
In the past few weeks, as we try to adjust to “new normals,” many clients have expressed wanting to reclaim control in their lives in these uncertain times. Many have said: “I don’t like change” and “I am feeling uncomfortable with so much uncertainty and a lack of control.” There have also been many questions about “when will things go back to normal?” which had me thinking about why so...
Are You Willing to be Courageous?
Having the courage to thrive in life’s relationships is so important. I am not a fan of commercial celebrations like Valentine’s Day, but I do believe that we need to take every opportunity to enrich our daily lives with gratitude and joy. In normal years, unlike this isolated, uncertain winter of 2021, I would ignore Valentine’s Day. Instead, I am dedicating the entire month of February this...
Would You Rather Be Smart Or Be Right?
I recently spoke with a client about the idea that it is better to be smart than to be right. Understanding the difference can bring a new perspective into our lives and our relationships. Being right: Is about proving that you know best and that your position is the correct one. Is about choosing to focus on the fact that you are right regardless of whether that will result in the best...
Feeling Seen and Acknowledged is a Universal Need
The Importance of Feeling Seen and Acknowledged My grandmother “Tita Sarita'' as we called her was an amazing woman. She made everyone feel that they were unique and special. I really thought I was her favourite, until one day after she died when I was having lunch with a large group of my cousins and we realized that we all felt that we were her favourite. How amazing that she could make each...
The Power of No
"No" is a powerful word. And not always a negative one. In fact, “no” can be quite positive. Saying “no” can liberate and empower us. It can help us move forward. It can strengthen our relationships, clarify our communications, and give us the space we need in our lives to say “yes” to what we truly want. Lately, I’ve felt frustrated when people around me didn’t say “no” when they clearly...
The Wisdom of Silence
As human beings we need to feel connected to others. We are social animals and need positive interactions to keep feeling fulfilled and happy. These connections don’t always come easily. We need healthy channels of communication in order to achieve connections with others. Yet, interpersonal communication is challenging. It involves people with different perspectives and personalities — not to...
Celebrating Our Differences
“I treat others how I would like to be treated.” A client recently repeated this familiar refrain to me during our discussion about disagreement in the workplace. I understand the sentiment and it’s a great starting point, but I would argue that this isn’t what is needed in our relationships. Here’s why. In relationships, it’s not enough to simply model the way we want to be treated. We need to...
Finding Your Courage
As more weeks pass during this pandemic, and we continue to adapt to a “new normal” that keeps changing, I have been exploring the concept of what it means to have courage. Does courage mean that we feel in control and are not feeling afraid? Does courage mean that we are constantly positive and taking action? The dictionary defines courage as “the ability to do something that...
The Secret To Thriving Relationships
In a recent post, I shared the story of my paternal grandmother’s “magic” rings. Whenever someone in our family gets married, she shares her parents’ wedding rings with the bride and groom for the wedding ceremony. After the ceremony, she immediately takes them back. But, with the rings, my grandmother believes she is passing along the “good luck” of the successfully married couples who...
Finding Answers in Difficult Times
A few years ago, when I had cancer, one of the things that helped me through that very difficult time was to regularly ask myself a couple of questions: “What am I supposed to learn from this experience?” And “What good can I take from this?” These daily questions slowly began to offer me different answers in different areas of my life. Today, our world is in crisis. We are experiencing...
New Season, New Intentions
Like many people, I tend to view September as a second new year. It’s when most of us return to routines after a less-structured summer and we get the chance to refocus on new (or revised) goals for the rest of the year. If you happened to make New Year’s resolutions in January—or set some new intentions for yourself—hopefully, a few of them stuck and have become a reality. If you are like most...
Your legacy begins today
As we approach the end of the year, it’s a great time for introspection. Many of us will start thinking about plans and resolutions for the New Year. Instead of debating whether this practice is a good idea or not, I invite you to try a different kind of reflection instead. Think about the legacy you want to leave behind when you die. Have you ever considered what your obituary would say? I...
Small gifts of gratitude. Big impact.
The holiday season often brings many opportunities to visit with friends and family. As human beings, it is our connection with others that makes us thrive. Here are two simple ways to make someone else—and yourself—smile this month. Show gratitude Science confirms it: expressing gratitude has a profoundly positive effect on both the person who receives the message and the person expressing it....
Let Nature Be Your Guide
As nature blooms all around us, I encourage you to pay attention to its lesson about constant change and constant renewal. Our lives are always changing, that is constant, and it’s up to us on how we use this change to renew ourselves…
Why You Should Fail Spectacularly
Just a few weeks ago my daughter and I were stranded in a hotel room during an unexpected ice storm. With no place to go, we sat together and rewatched The Last Word. In the movie, a young woman hates her job but is too afraid to make a change. The older main character, who is dying, advises her to “fail spectacularly”: “You don’t make mistakes. Mistakes make you. They make you smarter. They...
Reality Bites, But It Doesn’t Have To
Good or bad, we choose how we behave, react and think. It is these many small choices that make up our overall life course. Do you have a favourite book that you return to again and again for guidance or inspiration? For me, Tal Ben-Shahar’s Choose the Life You Want: The Mindful Way to Happiness is one. This wonderful guide inspires me to live and work better. Ben-Shahar’s central premise is...
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
I consider myself to be a life learner. Right now I am in the middle of a year-long certificate in Positive Psychology. It has been a fantastic journey and last month, as part of my training, I attended a week-long retreat in the beautiful town of Tepoztlán, Mexico (picture above). In this intensive week of scientific learning and deep introspection, one of the lecturers put on the Michael...
Time for Change
Choose changes aligned with what truly matters to you.I like to think of September as an opportunity each year to stop and reflect on where we are, what we have accomplished so far and what changes we might want to make going forward. We make many daily choices in our lives that create our journey. If we don’t stop and reflect, we can’t make choices based on what is important to us. Change is...
BE THE CATALYST FOR CHANGE:
HOW TO BETTER COMMUNICATE FOR STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS How we interact and feel in our personal and professional relationships is an essential predictor of our fulfilment and well being. Find the courage to change the things you can control in your relationships. You can be the leader and a catalyst of positive change. How we interact and feel in our personal and professional relationships...
Negative Emotions: Can Positivity Be Toxic?
Negative emotions are actually vital to our happiness and wellbeing. Life is a complicated, challenging, amazing and fulfilling journey. The pandemic has certainly shown us how uncertain life can be. The idea that we are supposed to have a happy and fulfilling life has become a sort of cultural movement during the past few years that in many cases has been taken to the extreme. Instead of...
What’s Your Word?
What if ONE WORD could help us make everyday choices more easily? Even though the choices we make each day are so varied and under many different circumstances, I believe it’s possible to have one word or phrase to guide us. Allow me to explain. To make good choices, we need to first trust our instincts and understand ourselves. We need a true sense of our values and be clear about what we want...
Allowing Unhappiness
If you have been following my work for a while you will know that I am a positive person, constantly learning and always ready for what comes next. I try to inspire others to pay attention to what is positive and what we have control over in our lives. AND (my favourite word in the dictionary)... Despite all of this, it felt so good this week to let go and complain. To cry a...
The Power of Positivity
Relationships are fascinating and they can be difficult. I am reminded of this often as my family and I spend more time together in our home during the pandemic. We pass from being kind and joyful with each other to expressing frustration, anger and impatience. Most families are likely feeling the same. In one of these ‘crisis moments’ I was reminded of the concept of the positivity...
When Perfection is the Enemy
Sometimes, perfection is the enemy. We hear a lot about “giving it our best” and “nothing less than 100 percent” in order to be successful in life. But are there times when achieving 80 percent might be good enough? Of course, there are certain tasks where only 100 percent is acceptable. We would expect nothing else from a pilot or surgeon, for example. But for most of us, perfection is not...
Celebrating Our Differences
“I treat others how I would like to be treated.” A client recently repeated this familiar refrain to me during our discussion about disagreement in the workplace. I understand the sentiment and it’s a great starting point, but I would argue that this isn’t what is needed in our relationships. Here’s why. In relationships, it’s not enough to simply model the way we want to be treated. We need to...
Role Playing
We all play roles in our lives. Are you aware of them? Which roles have you adopted in your professional and personal relationships? The dictionary defines a role as a “function assumed or part played by a person in a particular situation,” but roles are much more than this. We may not even be aware of many of the roles that we play and it might be time to change them. Like relationships,...
Can You Be Your Own Best Friend?
Who is your best friend? Is it your partner, parent, sibling, long-time friend? My best friend is myself! Does that sound selfish and ridiculous? I constantly write and teach on the importance of having strong relationships with others in order to have a happier and more fulfilled life. Today I want to share that the most important relationship that we have is the relationship we...
The Importance of Connection
The Lonely Planet We have all heard so much about the pandemic and its horrible consequences. The isolation, economic hardships, illnesses and deaths have touched every part of the world. In Canada, where I live, you can feel the heaviness that this year of uncertainty and long winter are having on people. But do you know the number one health crisis in North America today? Covid, cancer,...
Are You Willing to be Courageous?
Having the courage to thrive in life’s relationships is so important. I am not a fan of commercial celebrations like Valentine’s Day, but I do believe that we need to take every opportunity to enrich our daily lives with gratitude and joy. In normal years, unlike this isolated, uncertain winter of 2021, I would ignore Valentine’s Day. Instead, I am dedicating the entire month of February this...
Allowing Unhappiness
If you have been following my work for a while you will know that I am a positive person, constantly learning and always ready for what comes next. I try to inspire others to pay attention to what is positive and what we have control over in our lives. AND (my favourite word in the dictionary)... Despite all of this, it felt so good this week to let go and complain. To cry a...
Personal Growth is a Life-Long Journey
Early in my coaching career, I came to an important realization: Personal growth never stops. Stepping outside of our comfort zones, adapting to ongoing changes, and learning new things; It’s ongoing and it’s hard work. Life by definition is challenging. Even though we may wish someone else could do the hard work of learning, adapting and growing, it’s only up to us. After all, only we...
Reclaim Control in Uncertain Times
In the past few weeks, as we try to adjust to “new normals,” many clients have expressed wanting to reclaim control in their lives in these uncertain times. Many have said: “I don’t like change” and “I am feeling uncomfortable with so much uncertainty and a lack of control.” There have also been many questions about “when will things go back to normal?” which had me thinking about why so...
Find your values, find your way
With so many questions about what is happening in the world right now, I have struggled with what to write. But whenever I question what my ideal role should be during uncertain times, I always return my core beliefs and foundation. In other words, I return to my values. Now, I fully recognize that it might feel superficial, at a time like this, to focus on our values, but I would...
The Right People Help us Make the Right Changes
If you have been receiving my posts for a while you know that I love writing about life’s transitions and interpersonal communication. I have discussed different ways we can befriend change to find new possibilities and how it is in our control to create the relationships we want personally and professionally. Although I do write on other topics, these areas are my passion. They are at the core...
Make September Count!
SEIZE THAT OPPORTUNITY September is here. Kids are back to school and the days are starting to get shorter.The arrival of this month often marks new beginnings with new routines and new energy. And this is what makes it an ideal time to ensure that 2017 ends the way we want it to. With just a third of the year left, here is our opportunity to give one last push toward reaching the goals we set...
Why Is It So Hard To Change?
I have been enjoying the slower pace of summer by reading some interesting books, relevant to my work. One of the books, Changing to Thrive by James and Janice Prochaska, explains the different stages people go through when making important behavioural changes in their lives. I first studied the Prochaska model of change during my master studies some 20 years ago. So much has changed...
How to Reach the End Before you Begin
Just as nature shows us every year, transitions are a part of life. Soon after one season begins, another arrives. Change is the cycle of natural life and the natural cycle of our own lives as well. With these constant changes in nature surrounding us, we might assume that humans would adapt easily to the constant changes in our own lives. For some reason, however, we often cling to what we had...
Celebrate motherhood and the changes it brings
In front of me, as I write this post, are pictures of me over the years with my kids. There they are as newborns, with me looking completely exhausted. Soon they are toddlers, then school-aged and, suddenly, they are taller than me! Each step in their development meant a new stage for both of us. Their needs would change and my role would have to adapt accordingly. This often meant me needing to...
Transitions & new beginnings
What I’ve learned and why I wish I’d had a life coach My own life, like so many others', has been the exact opposite. Either through destiny, chance, or life choices, I have been challenged to start over and redefine myself many times. I predict new beginnings will continue to happen. I sometimes wish my life had gone in a straight line. I’m sure you’ve heard about people like that. People who...
Our Values. Our Life Guide.
Quick! Name five values that are most important to you. Did you easily come up with five or are you stuck at two or three? Do you have more than five? Are you clear on what a value truly is? Your values are the things that you believe are most important in life. They are the principles that guide the way you live and how you work. Values can include many different things, such as family,...
Menopause transition
The untold story of menopause: One of the hardest transitions in a woman’s life Life is filled with transitions. And some can be particularly hard as they challenge us to adapt and change to new and unknown realities. At the same time, transitions can also provide opportunities for new possibilities — ones that we may never have imagined before. Menopause is a transition that all women...