Don’t Assume. Just Ask.

Claudia Aronowitz

Making assumptions is common in relationships, but it is also what leads to conflict. Many people in relationships assume that the other person knows what they mean and what they want. Alas, most of the time this is NOT the case.

Valentine’s Day is today and even though it’s not something I celebrate, I realize it offers us a great opportunity to highlight the importance of asking our partners what we want from them.

I have been married for almost 25 years and, over the years, I have learned that if I want something, then I have to communicate it in a very clear way to my partner.

Don’t assume others understand your point of view. 

My birthday is a good example. I love birthdays! This is the one day of the year that I believe you get to be queen or king for the day. My ideal birthday would begin with family members waking me up by singing happy birthday. There will be presents in bed, which have to come with a card—the most important part of the present. Walking into the kitchen, the room will be decorated and a special breakfast will await me. I then get to choose what to do that day.

In contrast, my husband cares very little about his birthday. He doesn’t really understand what is so special about that day, so he didn’t instinctively know what I expected.

Over the years, and after a few disappointing birthdays, I decided to communicate very clearly to him exactly what my expectations were. Now, before my birthday, I tell him what I want to do that day, what presents I want, and even if I want a surprise of some kind.

And guess what? It works!

The picture above is from my birthday a few weeks ago where we celebrated with a nature walk with my kids. That’s what I wanted, so I asked for it and received it. It was perfect!

So if Valentine’s Day is important to you, then I encourage you to let your partner know. Tell him or her how you want to celebrate. Because even with the best of intentions, your partner can’t always know what we want. They are a different person, with different needs and a different perspective.

And it’s not just in our personal relationships that we should be clear about what we want. 

We should apply the same to our professional relationships. So often I hear client’s say, “But he/she should know what to do!” Or, “It’s so obvious, there’s no need to explain.” But in reality, we do need to explain. Miscommunication leads to conflict in relationships. So, if you:

Miss someone? ………………………. CALL

Want to meet up? ……………………. INVITE

Want to be understood? …………….. EXPLAIN

Have questions? ……………………..  ASK

Don’t like something? ………………..  SAY IT

Like something? ……………………… STATE IT

Want something? …………………….. ASK FOR IT

Love someone? ………………………. TELL THEM

Remember, if you want the other person to know and understand something that is important to you, you must clearly explain it. Don’t assume that they understand your point of view. 

Find this interesting? Please share!



P.S. Do you want more tips on how to better communicate? Having difficulties in a personal or professional relationship? Or just want to learn how to create a stronger relationship? Contact me today.

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About Claudia Aronowitz
As a highly trained, certified coach and mediator, I take pride in helping others find clarity and acceptance of who they are. I will propel you to move forward into taking responsibility and leadership of your life and relationships—both personal and professional. With compassion and a straightforward approach, I will help you discover new insight and uncover opportunities to use your unique voice. From there you can create the life and relationships that you desire and find fulfillment and joy in life’s challenging journey. Learn More About Claudia >>

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